Talking To Your Wall
For someone who is hoping to make a living out of words, with you sometimes I find myself at a loss. And it feels like I am losing you, losing grip, losing sight. Slowly, but surely, losing my mind. It is in the words you do not speak, the hesitant murmuring, the tears that break and fall invisible to me. Over the air, everything seems alright. I am here and you are way over there, comfortable and I – comfortably numb.
This not-knowing what is wrong, not knowing what’s up, it’s not pleasant. It fills me up with worry. It brings doubt into my mind, thoughts linger into crevices where they hide. Sneaking up on me when I least expect it. And then I remember, I have been worse. I have been cruel. Perhaps this is my karma reaping what I have sown. Two years from the time we last parted, the irony does not amuse me.
I want you here. I want you to stay. I want to be with you, live with you, wake up to your limbs entwined with mine. And you say you don’t want that. And I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what to say. So I keep quiet, hoping you will read my mind, the way you always do. You’re so good at it, and I wish I could. But you have built your walls strong. I would huff and puff, but I could never break it down. I only wait at your door, hoping you would answer, until you let me back in.
Awww. I hope whoever it is. lets you back in soon, you sound like you deserve to be in there.
I think I know how this feels. :/