Since I was a kid, pride has never really bothered me. I mean I do take pride in the things I do and all, but I’ve never yearned for my parents to be proud of me. Simply because, they never are, and I don’t think they ever will be.

See I’m the third child, second son, out of four children. Which means my parents are proud of the oldest almost automatically, and I have to try surpass whatever they do to even get a glimpse of glory.

And the youngest is not pressured so much to rise above, instead he’s used to try and make me feel unworthy when he, unintentionally, surpasses me. Thus causing me to be stuck in the middle, with no easy way to the top.

I’ve never wanted to be on top. The first time my mother (biological) tried to instill her influence in me by telling me I should become a doctor, the first thought that ran through my head (Me being an anti-mother rebel at the time) was to NOT become a doctor. I said to her that it was the LAST thing I would become. And instead I chose something else, to be a pilot 😛

That wasn’t my real ambition, never has been, I’m afraid of heights 😛 and microwaves (Don’t ask) -_-

Last night we had visitors, my aunt & uncle. And my father (only one) brought up one of my uncle’s who he labelled “A waste”. Simply because he had finished medical school years ago, became a doctor, and then quit the job because he got scolded for getting late one day.

Now I for one understand this, I remember quitting art class because I got scolded for using the wrong sink to wash off oil paint -_- (it didn’t say DO NOT USE THIS SINK IF YOU’RE WASHING OFF OIL PAINT!) -_-

Whenever I see my uncle study it never seems like he enjoys it (Not that anyone does) or like he’s even interested in the least. It always looks as though he’s been chained to his desk, forced almost, to study and be something, IMO he doesn’t want to be.

But whenever I see him play cricket (his true passion) I see a whole different side to him. And then I realise, it’s all a matter of pride. This is what parents do, he’s the oldest (I think) and since his young days he’s loved cricket (I have some of his old text books with lists of the best cricketers etc.), but his parents coerced him into becoming a doctor.

Brainwashed in a sense. Like those kids in Jaffna who are forced to fight against their will. He was sent to India to study, and then to Pakistan for university. I don’t remember him much when he was young, but by the time he came back, he was a zombie.

According to my father he only plays cricket because the girl he’s in love with (unrequited) wants him to be in the cricket team or something. -_-

And then my father brought up pride (told you so) and about how no one can be proud of him. And I said to him:

What’s not to be proud of? The fact that he’s trying to succeed in the thing he loves doing? The fact that he’d go to that extent to get what he wants? Parents should be proud of their children simply for the fact that they are doing what they love to do. If I were a parent that would be enough for me.


He shut up after that… and yeah… hmmm… pride?

Bullshit -_-

7 Responses to “Pride”
  1. reeve says:

    damn! you sound like a freaking grandpa!
    scary shit.. but it’s all true, about your parents neevr being proud of you,
    well, only if i was in the shoes of my brother:p
    and yeah.. tell your younger bro that being the youngest is the best thing in the whole world!!!
    and microwaves? are you sane?

  2. ....dead or alive.... says:

    they only want watz best for u…dont blame em[:P]

    ok ya i agree widya last bit…..parentz shud let their kids do wateva makes em feel happy…..coz in the end it all adds up to one thing…
    itz not how u spent ur life makin others happy…itz about how u spent ur life making urself happy

    PS- ur uncle[ no offence] is stupid to have not followed his dream…..

  3. St.Fallen says:

    his dream was to be a cricketer -_- and his parents were too convincing
    being a first child… he had a lot of pressure okay -_-

  4. ZM says:

    When I think of the word “pride” and it’s connotation, I think of it as an internal thing. For example, an individual that holds pride or is proud, is really too narrow minded to realize anything other than their own wants, desires and ways.

    This is what really reflects to me in your writing, rather than parents being proud of their children regarded. It looks like you and your parents are both too proud to go outside of your imprinted ideas and ways.

    I’m sorry that you have to feel that and go through that. There are people, I’m sure, that are proud of you.

  5. ZM says:

    Sometimes people show their love and pride in different ways and just cannot express them externally. Even though they may be negative or keep pushing you, that’s their way of showing they are proud.

  6. St.Fallen says:

    Okay well I don’t find this to be implementing pride:
    Father: Don’t you want your parents to be proud of you?

    Father: If you’ll can’t do what I want you’ll to do then what’s the point?

    Father: 96/100 ? You should have gotten 100!

    *reading my report card, I passed all except 2 subjects, French & History, and I got above 70 for the rest except math, 50*
    Father: 50 for maths?
    *throws the report card to my face*

    and that was the first time I got into the top 10 of the class -_-
    I never bothered studying after that to please them
    I never did ANYTHING to please them before
    I used to comb my hair before I went to school JUST to please him
    and he saw me mess my hair up again and he said: Don’t try to please others
    The only “others” I’ve tried to please is THEM -_-

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