Since I was a kid, pride has never really bothered me. I mean I do take pride in the things I do and all, but I’ve never yearned for my parents to be proud of me. Simply because, they never are, and I don’t think they ever will be.
See I’m the third child, second son, out of four children. Which means my parents are proud of the oldest almost automatically, and I have to try surpass whatever they do to even get a glimpse of glory.
And the youngest is not pressured so much to rise above, instead he’s used to try and make me feel unworthy when he, unintentionally, surpasses me. Thus causing me to be stuck in the middle, with no easy way to the top.
I’ve never wanted to be on top. The first time my mother (biological) tried to instill her influence in me by telling me I should become a doctor, the first thought that ran through my head (Me being an anti-mother rebel at the time) was to NOT become a doctor. I said to her that it was the LAST thing I would become. And instead I chose something else, to be a pilot 😛
That wasn’t my real ambition, never has been, I’m afraid of heights 😛 and microwaves (Don’t ask) -_-
Last night we had visitors, my aunt & uncle. And my father (only one) brought up one of my uncle’s who he labelled “A waste”. Simply because he had finished medical school years ago, became a doctor, and then quit the job because he got scolded for getting late one day.
Now I for one understand this, I remember quitting art class because I got scolded for using the wrong sink to wash off oil paint -_- (it didn’t say DO NOT USE THIS SINK IF YOU’RE WASHING OFF OIL PAINT!) -_-
Whenever I see my uncle study it never seems like he enjoys it (Not that anyone does) or like he’s even interested in the least. It always looks as though he’s been chained to his desk, forced almost, to study and be something, IMO he doesn’t want to be.
But whenever I see him play cricket (his true passion) I see a whole different side to him. And then I realise, it’s all a matter of pride. This is what parents do, he’s the oldest (I think) and since his young days he’s loved cricket (I have some of his old text books with lists of the best cricketers etc.), but his parents coerced him into becoming a doctor.
Brainwashed in a sense. Like those kids in Jaffna who are forced to fight against their will. He was sent to India to study, and then to Pakistan for university. I don’t remember him much when he was young, but by the time he came back, he was a zombie.
According to my father he only plays cricket because the girl he’s in love with (unrequited) wants him to be in the cricket team or something. -_-
And then my father brought up pride (told you so) and about how no one can be proud of him. And I said to him:
What’s not to be proud of? The fact that he’s trying to succeed in the thing he loves doing? The fact that he’d go to that extent to get what he wants? Parents should be proud of their children simply for the fact that they are doing what they love to do. If I were a parent that would be enough for me.
He shut up after that… and yeah… hmmm… pride?