From outside looking in…

Somehow I don’t feel like writing this… or anything for that matter on this blog anymore.
I feel like I’ve squeezed out every last drop of inspiration I had in me, I feel exhausted.
I wanted to write about fate – I ended up writing the same thing over and over.
I wanted to write about faith – but I’m too confused myself about that.
I wanted to write about home – I hardly ever feel at home, there’s nothing much to talk about there.

So now I’m just going to try and look inside, and make sense of what I see.

First of all, I don’t think I believe in fate anymore. At least not as much as I used to.
I think it exists, but I don’t like it… I can’t accept the fact that some things are just not meant to be.
Because at first I thought they were because they were meant to be!
Fate may not lead you, to where you long to be…

Faith…
I don’t have much faith in anything, least in myself.
I believe that a God exists, I believe that there is one creator.
I don’t necessarily agree with everything this God says and I don’t really like Him that much.
But I can’t blame someone that hardly anyone believes in nowadays.
I can only blame myself, for not having faith in myself.

My every action always has its downfall.
I’ve never created a single perfect thing, then again, who has?
Can you call anything perfect?
There are always flaws… you just have to look close enough to see them.
But flaws can be beautiful.
If two wrongs can make a right, then you could probably make something useful out of flaws, can’t you?

Home…
I’ve never called my house a home, I hardly ever feel at home.
To me home is not a place, it shouldn’t be limited to a place.
Home is a state of mind.
I’ve never woken up and felt like I’m at home.
I need to walk around, think, and be at ease with myself.
It’s only then that I can feel some sibilance of “home”

Home is the feeling of comfort in your surroundings, the sense of belonging.
You can’t build a home with just bricks and cement.
Even the “homeless” have a home.
As far as I’m concerned they’re just houseless.

There’s more I could say…
but I don’t want to start blabbering.
So I’ll just stop here, I’ll probably continue this later.
Don’t expect anything emotional for a while.
It’s just going to be introverting from now on for a while.

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Comments
9 Responses to “From outside looking in…”
  1. Six & Out says:

    Introvert away mate. But dont let bitterness/cynicism run your life.
    I feel like this is an extension of my post- A stranger in my own Mind 🙂

    Nice blog design btw!

  2. St.Fallen says:

    Thanx…
    the blog design and theme changes every month or so
    At first it was In Black & White with the quote: “I’ve already become half-blind , I can only see the world in black and white” Death Note
    Then I added some colour and the title was Moments of Disarray with the quote: “What we are never changes. Who we are never stops changing.” C.S.I.
    Right now I’m darkening it again…
    Painting it black 🙂

  3. Introverting is actually not going to help sort out your problems

    Everyone has to go through these stages in life you know…

    On fate: I don’t believe there is a destiny which is written on stone for everyone. I believe that you can create your own. You can choose from right or wrong and go on the right path. You can also make things right in case you do choose the wrong path. So you see, as Buddhism taught me, EVERYTHING is subject to change.

    About faith, I cannot say too much as I do not believe in a god, but Karma. (What goes around, comes around)
    And yes, flaws are great. It helps you learn so many things in life. If no one had flaws and everyone was perfect, there would be nothing called LIFE in the 1st place and everything would be so monotonous.

    But about home:
    It is YOU who can make a change. Little things like keeping your house clean and tidy, having meals together with your family, etc can actually help build up that home. If everyone in a household just continues with their own agendas, then YES, there will be no home but merely a HOUSE.

    So you see, st.fallen, everything depends on YOU!
    No matter what anyone tells you what to do, it all depends on whether YOU want to do it. It depends on whether you want to take a stand………

    It depends on whether you want to make a change :]

  4. St.Fallen says:

    hmmm…
    I don’t agree with you on the home bit…
    What my house looks like doesn’t bother me and doesn’t make it feel more like home. And I do have meals with my family, but my family is almost completely different from me.
    I’m not going to make such a big change in myself.
    I do what I NEED to do, not only what I want to do.
    If they tell me to do something I don’t want to do I’d still do it if it’s something I needed.

  5. kevinliyanage says:

    There was this point I saw yesterday, you running out of inspiration I think. Well, someone running out of inspiration isn’t possible. You create something something which inspires you-again the creation itself inspires you to do something, but sometime it isn’t to our knowledge that we were.
    Agree with your view on home. It’s the space within oneself that is called home. The crossroad for emotion and thought.

    Damn it, I forgot what I was going to say. Will type the rest when recalled.

  6. Ahamed Nizar says:

    hmmm and wise men wonder while strong men die. lost alot of principles eh?

  7. randomiser says:

    just cos ur family is different from you doesnt mean that they still cant be part of you. look at yourself bro.. you are different anyways from the faceless and nameless that roam the world. i dont find a lot in common with my family.. but what i do see is a connection that goes beyond the boundaries of needing to share something in common. it shows itself in different ways. think of it as a light that illuminates all around it. you’ll see the white walls but at the same time you’ll see the marks and blemishes on that wall..
    sometimes we fail to see beyond those blemishes..
    and because of that we generally fail to acknowledge the connection that exists.
    i’ll leave you to figure out what that connection is.. till then take care of yourself bro. if you look hard enough you’ll find that the path is indeed never completely dark.

  8. Peejay says:

    If you have time , would like you to read T’he Window’ and ‘Stairway to Heaven ‘on my Myspace Blogs. You’d have to Archive the whole thing tho.

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