From outside looking in… part III

Love – a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
Infatuation – A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
Obsession – the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

We all have our own definition of love, as undefinable as it may be, through experience we refine this definition. To me love is…
Well maybe I should just talk about the ones I’ve fallen in “love” with.

First would have been I guess more along the lines of infatuation, well actually it was infatuation. “Love at first sight”, bullshit, I’ll explain a little later. I basically fell in “love” with her the first time I saw her, and I liked her for like 3 years. Sad.

The second was closer to love but in the end lead to obsession. It wasn’t love at first sight, the feelings only came on after about a year of knowing her. There was something about her that intrigued me, she never seemed happy. And for some “divine” reason I thought I should be the one to make her happy. Every time I’d see her staring out the window, with her head on the table, I’d lay my head on the table and watch her. Imagine what it would be like to see her smile, a real smile, not the plastic smiles she’d put on, that I could easily see through. I took the wrong approach it seems, I should have started out as trying to be her friend, I know now that all I wanted was to make her smile.
She was in love with a guy, who for quite some time didn’t really return those feelings, and when she heard that I liked her she thought that I was trying to be him. No, I wasn’t.

After about a year or two this guy seemed to have fallen in love with her, and they were together. I couldn’t have been happier, I’d see her smile at school. Was that love? I don’t know. And after this I got closer to her, at least I thought I did. I used to walk out of the house at mid night to get her credit so that she could text me, she probably just texted me so that she could get credit to text him though. But then they had problems, I found out that she had started smoking, wasn’t very happy about that but there wasn’t any way of me stopping her. And yeah, things just got worse I guess…
She turned emo -_-
.

The third, was the closest I’ve ever come to love, at least on my part. We knew each other for 3 years, we were like best friends, I guess what I loved was the way she could open me up, and make sense of the mess I am. I don’t want to talk about her though, I can’t, I won’t. But this is for her :

“There is a line from Verlaine I may never now recall,
There is a street nearby from which my footsteps are barred,
There is a mirror that has looked its last on my face,
There is a door I have closed for the final time.
Amongst the books in my library (I can see them now)
There are some I will never open again” Jorge Luis Borges

Some say it was “love at first sight” and others say “love is blind”. I agree with the latter obviously, but it’s more than just that. Love is blind, love is deaf, love is the connection between two people that doesn’t require senses, connected by heart. Love is regardless of senses.

You don’t fall in love with the way someone looks, or the way they sound. Do you fall in love with the way they feel? The taste on their lips? Or the intoxicating smell of the roses they got you?

There’s nothing wrong with being in love with these things, but you don’t fall in love for them. What makes you fall in love, I’m talking about the initial connection, is the moment you feel like distance & time are non-existent. The moment you feel there’s nothing in between you & her, the moment you try so hard to get back again, what keeps you’ll together is your attempt to have that moment once more, to make it last. The hope that one day you’ll have that moment again, you’ll give it all you have, face every challenge, overcome every obstacle, to have that moment again. It may not last, but you’re willing to fight to have it again. You only lose when you lose that hope, lose the will to fight.
So hope, fight, love, do whatever it takes…
It’s worth it.

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Comments
18 Responses to “From outside looking in… part III”
  1. kevinliyanage says:

    “Love is blind, love is deaf, love is the connection between two people that doesn’t require senses, connected by heart. Love is regardless of senses.”

    Yes.

    “The hope that one day you’ll have that moment again, you’ll give it all you have, face every obstacle, overcome every challenge, to have that moment again, it may not last, but you’re willing to fight to have it again. You only lose when you lose that hope, lost the will to fight, so hope, fight, love, do whatever it takes…
    It’s worth it.”

    Precisely.

  2. Munchi says:

    love is.. not worth it..

    i learnt it the hard way thank u..

    u know wat im talkin abt pup.. i DO beliv it ws luv.. but.. luv comes wit revenge.. revenge that shudnt be taken just cuz of beliefs and stuff..

    love shud b all about trust..

    nywys.. iv given up 🙂 and yes m turning cynical.. but i really dont giv a damn nymore 🙂

    i read it.. reading it was worthwhile for me dalrz.. not love.. i hate it 🙂

    xxx

  3. St.Fallen says:

    haha i love you too 😛

  4. Munchi says:

    oh yes.. i love u more 😛

  5. soap says:

    “..the moment u feel time and distance is non existant..” m lovin it! lol…
    btw.. m likin how ur expressing ur thoughts.. takes some guts to let it all out n express like tht… well done.

  6. Ahamed Nizar says:

    love is… just a four letter word. a better four letter word is F*** 😛

  7. Munchi says:

    i agree wit ahamed 😛

  8. ....dead or alive.... says:

    To love sm1 especially coz u feel loved….is one of the few joys in life one can get….Whether that feeling may be mutual or biased, is entirely up to that person them self, but it all just sums up to one thing- love does have senses….and when i mean senses….i mean the feeling that binds two hearts together in a never ending story.

    To believe that there’s someone out there….thinking about you this very moment…wanting to be with you….waiting to share their world with you….willing to do anything just to see you happy under any cost…- now that’s a hell load of crap!!

    Love is just about finding the right place to set your self free, to be yourself and most importantly find contentment of your heart…….

    You’ve got quite a point there mate=D

  9. St.Fallen says:

    “To want someone who wants you,
    To need someone who needs you too,
    To feel something that they feel for you,
    To have something, something for you,
    To love someone, someone who loves you.” Life-Less Me

  10. Gaby says:

    This is a lovely post, made me realize I don’t have a definition for love. Now I’m left wondering if I just don’t believe in it or if I’ve never loved.

  11. lady divine says:

    hey, after our conversation, I actually got thinking to the question you asked me..:)

    so how come I haven’t seen you around for a while now? Busy?

  12. Nimra says:

    if i had not met my bf i would totally agree with ahamed.
    love still exists. love at first sight can seem lame. but what happens if it actually does happen?
    obessesion is scary. never ever let it lead that way.. ever.
    good post btw. =)

  13. Six - &- Out says:

    i dont believe in love at first site..love is something that gradually comes through ..

    i think what u say in ur last paragraph is wrong..well not wrong but rather i disagree..

    “What makes you fall in love, I’m talking about the initial connection, is the moment you feel like distance & time are non-existant.”

    the initial feelings you get for someone are based on the fact that all those things are new to you..and her or whoever..so its the discovery of the unknown that attracts us to each other..love imo atleast is what surfaces when you have discovered most of those things and still feel the same way you did when you started..its about feeling comfortable with each other..thats what love is imo.. thats why ppl who get married love each other but are not IN love with each other..there is a difference ..because once you are with someone for such a long time..then there is nothing unknown..or new..so you are no longer in love..it gradually gives way to a more mature nurtured love and most importantly respect for each other.

  14. St.Fallen says:

    hehe well I did start off saying “We all have our own definition of love, as undefinable as it may be, through experience we refine this definition.” 😛
    But thank you for your own opinion… I’ve yet to experience what you’re talking about so I wouldn’t know… well not exactly what you said… Dude… how old are you? :S

  15. Six & Out says:

    hehe ya that you did…24 mate 🙂

  16. St.Fallen says:

    lol I just turned 17 😛
    hehe I’ve got a long way to go it seems o.O

  17. Shru says:

    Hey
    Thanks for all the comments you left on my blog. Some were very insightful and helpful – I especially loved that poem you quoted; it was beautiful. If you have more recommendations let me know 🙂
    I like your style of prose here.

  18. bkladyired says:

    An intriguing take on Love – one which brings to mind the certainty that my teen mind understood it, the enlightenment I found in my twenties, the unshakeable resolve I had in my definition in my 30’s, but now, at I’ve entered my 40’s, I recognize that I have no clue what this thing called “being in love” really means. But, you have given me pause to rethink the question.

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