Any Further Questions?

Well, this is a rant. So prepare to be confused, amused, offended, and disgusted by the thoughts that run rampant through my mind.
Where do I even begin? There’s just too many things that I have spent hours and days thinking about. So many topics, so many ideas, so many of these questions just tearing apart this old rag I call my sanity.

“The line must one day return to the dot it is.” Those words are from a poem written by my aunt, I miss her. I don’t really understand it completely, but somehow it speaks to me. It reminds me of her, I have this line written along the side of my shoe, just above the black line that runs across. And below that I have dots, marks make by putting out cigarettes on my shoe.

She was here for only 6 months, but in that time I had grown close to her, I don’t think she knew this. She was important to me because she came in at a time of my life when I was very confused and I finally found myself, I finally was at peace with myself. This made her important to me. We talked about a lot of things, from religion to philosophy to mystics and spirituality. We’ve both open minds but her way of thinking made an impression on me. We share quite a few things in common, so much so that my brother thinks I copy her. Strangely I only learn of these similarities when he points them out.

She told me she was leaving about a month before she planned to depart. I was heartbroken as that was the day I had decided I’d tell her how important she was to me. I never did end up telling her. I didn’t speak to her after that for a while. I didn’t know what to say. Then I slowly went back to her place, never really brought up the topic of her leaving. But then after a while I was comfortable with it. She told me how she wanted to be a farmer back in New Zealand, she was working there as a kindergarten teacher before. She always had something interesting to say.

She left on a Sunday, 17th of August I believe, she never told me the date of her flight. She had asked me to get a copy of the movie Baraka since I had shown interest in Mongolian chanting, she wanted to watch it with me. So I got the DVD and on Sunday evening I went to my cousin’s place in the same neighbourhood, I intended on going to my Aunt’s some time that week. It was then that I learnt that she had left that morning.

The path that you walk on is not predefined and neither are the answers to the questions we struggle so hard to find. Or are they?

Is there always a right and a wrong?
Or do those just exist in question papers?
Is it multiple choice?
Do we see all the possible answers and paths before us?

No, it’s a maze, and only from a birds eye view can we see the many paths we may take. An assumption made on a notion is usually more or less as accurate as a guess without a base, avoid them. How do we know what’s wrong and what’s right? What is this conscience that we hear of? Who created these morals and ethics we abide? Are these really any more reliable than instinct?

And why is it that we ask questions to which answers we already know? Is it because we don’t know? We doubt what we know?
We question that which we know, but does that question have an answer?

So why do we shun one thing and blatantly accept another?
Can’t paths exist in parallels & not just perpendiculars?
Is there anything wrong with merging two paths or more into one?
In the end the resultant of the vectors is a straight line leading in one direction

Maybe I shouldn’t get attached so easily.
Maybe I should keep a steady, safe distance.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so easily amiable.
Maybe I should just be alone.

I don’t know.

I’ve gained and lost a lot of friends in my short life-time. Some for good reasons and some due to my stupidity. Though I don’t know why it is I can not regret. It seems impossible to me, I guess I take crying over spilt milk too seriously. I tend to be an asshole at times, I tend to not care, or at least appear as though I don’t care.

I do miss them though. I miss them very much.

What is the purpose of this life?
Why are we here?
Who put us here?
When will it end?
Where did it start?

Whose is the voice we hear in our heads?
And whose is the warmth we feel in your hearts?
To whom does our soul belong?

God. I believe in Him.
I don’t just believe in capital G’s and H’s.
I believe in a singular entity that created the Earth and the Heavens.
I don’t agree to everything they say about him, I have my own idea of Him and that deserves a separate post on it’s own.
He is here, I know it, I feel Him.
His presence I cherish, I know I need Him here.
Without Him I am lost, and searching constantly for Him, and then I find Him. But where?

Have you ever looked in a mirror?
Of course you have.
But have you ever really looked into a mirror?
Do this:
Look into your eye.
Move closer and try to see what it is that is inside.
Focus on this image, on this figure, try to make out its eye.
Look into it’s eye, you’ll need to get closer to do this.
Keep focus.

What do you see?

10 Responses to “Any Further Questions?”
  1. javajones says:

    Looks like this is all to do with ‘attachment’ – the cause of suffering. according to the Buddha. Make sense??

  2. St.Fallen says:

    Hmm… Interesting
    I looked it up and found that.

    “I have killed all of you before.
    I was chopped up by all of you in previous lives.
    We have all killed each other as enemies.
    So why should we be attached to each other?”


  3. nefarious says:

    good post. made think a lot about life.. and everyone around me.
    didnt try the eye thing yet =D

  4. javajones says:

    Just look up ‘The Four Noble Truths’ and ‘The Eightfold Path’ – that is the crux of the philosophy – the rest is – weeelll…

  5. noorie says:


  6. noorie says:

    scratch like, i heart it.

  7. noorie says:

    ok ok.
    so i’m gay.
    please forgive me for being technologically retarded.
    i don’t know why i called it a page :S

    p.s. i’m not gay in the literal sense of the word. i mean it in the politically incorrect manner.

  8. “Nothing could be counted on in a world where even when you were a solution you were a problem.” a line from this new book i’m reading. seemed relevant to this post in some round about way. 🙂

  9. p.s. “The line must one day return to the dot it is.” it’s a beautiful line. and so true. i’d love to read ur aunt’s poem. i think…or atleast to me the line means, we all must go back to where we started from.

  10. St.Fallen says:

    yes, and also that we must never forget, it doesn’t matter how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished. Because no matter what you do, you will always be that little dot that you were in the beginning, that never changes. (:

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