Letter to God

Dear God,

I must confess
For my sins
I will profess
There have been many
I have done wrong
I won’t deny
But I have thought
Of every sin I had ever commit
Every rightful deed I did omit
And I have asked myself time and time again
Was it all worth it in the end?

Yes, I have stolen
I have lied
I’ve spilt crimson on many a thigh
I have cheated many
Been honest to few
I have used my friends
And abused my foes
Commited every sin
You have ever named
And few more too
But I’m not ashamed
Of what I have done
And yes, I admit
I have killed a man.

But tell me God
Just what have You done
Through all these years
That this Earth has spun?

You’ve watched as humans
Learnt how to kill
You’ve watched as we raped, pillaged and sinned
Everything with a weary eye
And not a tear shed for our wrongful demise.

Some say the rain is God’s tears
And the thunder and lightning are his screams
Maybe it is, but I don’t believe so
Because the rain always stops
But never does our woe.

So I ask You, God
What have you done?
You’ve watched us plagued by the deathliest scum
As we screamed in pain
And died in vain
You watched from above
Dead bodies don’t feel rain.

They say God sees everything
God hears all
Did You ever see a widow’s tears?
Or hear an orphan cry?

Tell me, God, how it is that you can bear all these sights
When I am blinded simply by Your “divine” light.
Tell me, God, how could it be that you let this all go on?
They say you love us as Your children, but we have always felt forlorn.

A mother may hit her child
But the child knows he is loved
When his mother dies at the hands of God
What does a child believe?

You have taken the lives of millions
And allowed the plight of us all
You have watched our lives crumble to the ground
Then set us back up for our inevitable fall.

Please, God, do not deny
That you were behind this all
And please, God, spare me the thought
Of a Heaven with You, for I choose Hell.

For I no longer trust in You
Or believe in Your every lie
I have only these questions for You
To which You’ve answered nigh.

If you cannot answer those
Then tell me this:
Was it a smile or a frown upon your face
When Adam & Eve fell far from grace?

Yours unfaithfully,
St. Fallen

p.s. I wrote this within the four walls that is Your home, among those that came to worship, I came to leave You this note. If you never heard me before, from the depths of my aching soul, then maybe for once you’d be home, and I could reach You there.

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Comments
18 Responses to “Letter to God”
  1. Delilah says:

    wow. nice one.

  2. lady divine says:

    very very nice…
    thought provoking too…

  3. internet elias says:

    Oh…poor…poor St.Fallen. Your words are not your own. Words of such cruelty come only from the soul of the destroyer. He cannot and will not speak such blasphemy to the precious Father of Life. He trembles in His presence. His eyes, accustomed only to darkness, is blinded in the presence of the Father’s glory and light. But as God’s nature is Love. Lucifers nature is destruction. He can’t touch God. But he can destroy the things of God. Most precious in God’s eyes….is Man. Lucifer’s hate, death, and destruction enters the souls of those who permit…and blinds them to Truth. Truth is…God is Life. Lucifer is responsible for ALL the destruction, evil, and death. And Lucifer ‘KNOWS’ that I know the Truth. We are free to choose between Life and Death. ( Gen 3:22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil:)

    I KNOW them both. I’ve encounered both. When Lucifer rose up against God and challenged Him for soveriegnty…the good and fair God chose not to force the affections of His children. He would let them ‘choose’ whom they would serve. It remains so today. I KNOW the lightness…rest…and peace coming through the heart of the good Father. I know the darkness, unrest, and turmoil coming from the heart of the evil one. I choose God, Life, and fellowship with all things pertaining to life e.g love, giving, service, compassion, and hope. I see good in every man. I enjoy the glory and explosive life-force of all things created. The deepest desire of my heart, is that every man be awakened from the darkness of night to the Joy of the morning.

    internetelias.wordpress.com

  4. Dee says:

    Good stuff St.

  5. i like this one. a lot.
    love the lines,

    “Was it a smile or a frown upon your face
    When Adam & Eve fell far from grace?”

    btw you must read Milton’s ‘Paradise Lost’. 🙂

  6. arya says:

    “A mother may hit her child
    But the child knows he is loved
    When his mother dies at the hands of God
    What does a child believe?

    You have taken the lives of millions
    And allowed the plight of us all
    You have watched our lives crumble to the ground
    Then set us back up for our inevitable fall.

    Please, God, do not deny
    That you were behind this all
    And please, God, spare me the thought
    Of a Heaven with You, for I choose Hell.

    For I longer trust in You
    Or believe in Your every lie
    I have only these questions for You
    To which You’ve answered nigh.”

    these few verses could do with an edit, but apart from that, this is nearly perfect…:)

  7. Anti-YOU says:

    internet elias – Yet another blinded fool. You might as well as worship Cinderella and Snow White’s Seven dwarves. Wake up, take your preists pole out of your ass and realise that both God and The Devil are within you.

    PS – Look at you talking about God and his love for Man when Christianity has murdered more people in the name of their God and wiped out entire cultures than probably any other organization in history.

  8. Cadence says:

    Was it a smile or a frown upon your face
    When Adam & Eve fell far from grace?

    Super line. Good stuff.

  9. alterego says:

    I can’t say I agree completely, but you make a powerful argument, and I appreciate that. 🙂

  10. Very nice. Im a christian and if anyone says they understand why evil and conomplications exist in world where there is a god they most probably are lying. As long as you remain true to what you believe i think that’s the greatest thing about being human. I do agree with internet alias though, christianity and jesus talks about justification through faith, and faith is a choice. it is hard to disregard the validity of these things, because of testaments like that of Gulshan esther- please google- http://dontwannabecool.blogspot.com/2009/02/testimony-of-gulshan-esther-part-1.html

    Ironically, it’s also those who suffer the worst who also believe in God. “mr.X” met his wife to be at college with us. Three years later, they married. Him a wannabe gangster, and she the “bomb” of the class. Four years since, she is diagnosed with cancer. She has a vision, she prays, has faith, and dies. Six months later, his father dies. He has gone from not believing in god, to hating the god he doesnt believe in. Three weeks ago, i hear he has started going to a place of worship (not the religion he was brought up in, and he talks about the possibility of a god existing). My point is, it’s not that those who choose faith do it because they choose to, because they somehow can, and not through ignorance.

    Each of us will have our own questions st.fallen. Complete respect to remaining true to them, because what is a man, who is not true to himself.

  11. I am trying to sell you the theistic answer to your question, st.fallen. it is a story in the bible, and is basically a 4000 year old version of ur poem! To make it look respectably more scientific, i have copied bits of the jewish version hoping it works as a trailer: The christian version is called the book of job (re:google). TC

    http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=J&artid=331

    Job’s complaint. He curses the day he was bron; wishes he had died immediately after birth; thinks death preferable to a life of misfortune. Ch. iv.-v.: Reply of Eliphaz. He declares that a truly righteous man is never afflicted; that a man sometimes thinks himself just, though he is unjust: hence his complaint. He exhorts Job to turn to God in sincerity, who will surely restore him to well-being. Ch. vi.-vii.: Job resumes his complaint. His afflictions are greater than he can bear; his sole desire is to die at once, all his friends having deserted him. He relates his sufferings, and reproaches God, who takes delight in torturing him. Ch. viii.: Reply of Bildad. He reproaches Job for his injustice toward God, declaring that if he were really upright, God would not have so afflicted him, and that the prosperity of the wicked, of which Job complains, is unstable. Ch. ix.-x.: Job represents God as a capricious tyrant, who lets His hand fall on both the just and the unjust. He maintains that God knows that he is not wicked, and yet tortures him. Ch. xi.: Zophar, in reply, accuses Job of wickedness, for which he is being punished, and exhorts him to repent. Ch. xii-xiv.: Job declares that he is as wise as his friends and that he needs not their counsel. God is ruler, and therefore he complains directly to Him of the prosperity of the wicked and of the suffering of the righteous. God, the Omnipotent, ought not to bring under judgment so frail a creature as man. Ch. xv.: Eliphaz replies; Job’s own words prove his guilt. He repeats the assertion that the prosperity of the wicked is not of long duration.

    Ch. xvi-xvii.: Job again accuses God of injustice. Ch. xviii.: Bildad confirms his friends’ assertion that the wicked, in spite of present prosperity, will come to a bad end. Ch. xix.: Job accuses his friends of being unjust toward him, laments that now he has none to whom he may go for comfort: God persecutes him, his friends and acquaintances have abandoned him, even his wife turns against him. Ch. xx.: Zophar makes the same reply as Bildad in ch. xviii., but in other words. Ch. xxi.: Job refutes his friends’ assertions, maintaining that only the wicked prosper, that they spend their lives in pleasure and pass swiftly to the grave.

  12. Black Rose says:

    Powerful.

    I liked these lines the best;

    “For I no longer trust in You
    Or believe in Your every lie
    I have only these questions for You
    To which You’ve answered nigh.

    If you cannot answer those
    Then tell me this:
    Was it a smile or a frown upon your face
    When Adam & Eve fell far from grace?”

    Keep ’em coming 🙂

  13. hmmmm…..nicely done…

  14. frizchriz says:

    love this one:)

  15. Just Chillin' says:

    God never forces his will or His ways in us. But my personal experience proves that His love is pure and true. If it wasn’t, the Lord Jesus would never have suffered and died on the cross so we could have access to God once again. As for the wickedness of humanity, each of us chooses to act in wicked ways and for that we have to answer to God someday at the end of our lives. God NEVER forces Himself on us but if a widow or orphan turns to Him He will NEVER look away.

  16. Just Chillin' says:

    (nice stuff)

  17. Shru says:

    Yes, you must read Milton’s Paradise Lost if you haven’t already…I know it’s a fictitious elaboration, but it still talks about the fall more prettily than in the Bible. And it’s just so nice to read because it’s written beautifully.

    Nice though, it’s been a while since I’ve read your stuff. Your blog seems to keep moving, it’s hard to keep track of!

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