This isn’t the first time something I’ve written has been blown way out of proportion and made a huge issue. The last time I had to delete my blog, but I created a new one, and it didn’t take long for people to find me. This time around it won’t be the same.

For starters, I’m letting you’ll know that I’m closing this blog down, not deleting it. I love it too much to do that, and I’ve learnt from past experience that it’s a sin to kill a blog, especially a personal one like this, as it’s a part of you, a most integral part at that.

It’s amazing how sincere you can become when it comes to blogging, and how much truth spills out through teeth that otherwise only speak lies and the words that society wants to hear. I often feel censored in real life, and find it hard to express myself, and when I do I am often oppressed. On my blog, however, I have more freedom, and I have the support of my readers. I feel sad having to leave all this.

I won’t stop writing, of course, there’s no way you’ll stop me from that. I think I’ll stick to posting them on Facebook, the ones that aren’t controversial, though none of my posts really are anyway. Those of you that have there as a friend will be able to follow, and the others, well… I don’t know.

I feel like revealing who I am to everyone, but that would be pointless as everyone already knows. I used to feel safe on this blog, like it was my own little safe place to crawl beneath, a bomb shelter, a nuclear hideout. But it’s not any of that anymore, instead it’s like a magnifying glass on a wound, picking at the pus. It’s disgusting how some people can do such things and contort your every word into something hideous and harmful, when in fact it was none of that.

I’m sorry that I’m leaving, seems quite a few of us are, and I hate to join the bandwagon, but I feel I must. I’m wondering if I should lock this up or just leave it as it is, I’ll give it some thought and we’ll see what happens. Hopefully I won’t have to delete this blog, I’ve taken a backup just in case.

So that’s it from me. It was great getting to know you guys and sharing with you, I hope none of you have to face the same fate as me. So goodbye, and… er… keep blogging. And remember, it’s a sin to kill a blog. I have always been a sinner.

I leave you with this:


58 Responses to “Farewell”
  1. aufidius says:

    You are the best judge of your situation, I hope things turn for the better and you dont have to close it down, I hope you stay – but like I said you know whats best! May the best and wisest decision be made! Good luck man!

  2. Rannelee says:

    Hey you really shouldn’t do this.. but hope you will come back… anyways Love “Cheers Darling” you have done justice to it.. Mean it.. and you did justice to your blog… Take Care

  3. Gehan says:

    there really is no purpose served with you closing your blog.. it would be if perhaps your anonymity were compromised or something, but you’re hardly anonymous… perhaps a change of scenery (ie URL) is better suited… as for blogging, in general anything you put up will be contorted and magnified; such is the ‘internet’.. you of all people should know that by now..

    so you got a lotta heat for your post.. your dad is fine with it, you retracted, you posted an apology.. really, closing the blog is pointless, and instead only justifies the accuser further..

    your decision tho, as aufidius said… and i sincerely doubt a blog-whore like you would be able to stop blogging anyway 😛 “NEW POST!! [link] READ!!! COMMENT!!!” … lol…

  4. Chavie says:

    I love the cover! And I stand by what I said over twitter earlier…

  5. Dooooooooooooontttt Leeeeeeeeeeeaaaavvve! =(

    Least urll be there at Talk Chalk wont u????????

    Hoping u would come back.

  6. Jevon says:

    damit man sucks ass that your closing this down =(

    your stuff was always an awesome read man

    good luck man and tc

  7. emo.

    hope on second thought you dont have to do this, but if you have to, you damn well better tell the new url

  8. Black Rose says:

    Don’t leave Fallen.

    Please don’t.


  9. Rehani says:

    Er.. Dude,

    First things first.

    You knew you were wrong. Why would your father ask you to delete it otherwise? Why is it that he didn’t want to defend you if you were right? Your age is such. Yes I was offended, felt you needed a stern reply and i did exactly that by allowing my friends to contact your Dad. Rest is history.

    You retracted, posted an apology and it ends there kid. Why you wanna CLOSE? Er.. This was never our intention.

    I’ve always loved your blog, you would know if you checked your stats. I’ve always lurked on it. People do make mistakes, but that’s OK too. It was your comment replies that aggravated the situ, let’s not go into that.

    Sorry we had to inform your Dad. It was the last resort. You don’t realize your post had the potential of creating a big ugly scene, do you? Just be happy its over and done with.

    Just take a break, may be a week or two… I know you need to recollect yourself. Do that and come back. If you stopped blogging, rest assured i’m stopping too. Take my word for it. Honestly wouldn’t want to blog after that.

    I am not sorry for what I did. You deserved it. May be when you are older you’d realize it. But closing shop is dumb. Clever people don’t do that. We only wanted you to delete the blog post in question. Don’t know how to explain, but i want you to stay and blog… Please..

    Remember if you stopped, you’d kill two blogs, both yours and mine !

    Will call you some time.. Hugs & Salaamz.

    • St. Fallen says:

      sure, call me or I’ll call you 😉

      I suggested taking it down, fyi, Dad finds nothing “offensive” about it.
      In fact, he understood better than anyone else.
      I’m sorry you couldn’t, what a shame.

      Goodbye, Nibby 🙂

      • Rehani says:

        Er.. here we go again.. What a shame even after all this you are still mistaken.. 🙂 May Allah bless you kid. Not Nibby, ask your own friends. Ask –.

      • St. Fallen says:

        Already done.
        Mr. Nibras Bawa I’d like to have a little chat with you face-to-face
        If you’re not him it doesn’t matter I know he’ll see this.
        So how about it, Nibby?
        Let’s get to know each other
        How does that sound?

      • Rehani says:

        Just FYI, this whole NB saga is a drama. Visit http://www.nibrasbawa.com. Shocking details there. He lives in Pakistan, but check my IP on WordPress, Its Colombo.

        Anyway just want you to stay. Sure you aren’t the only person who thinks i’m NB 🙂 And i can’t be bothered either. Just stay. Here I end.

      • St. Fallen says:

        Of course it was, Kaushalya
        I believe you
        I really do (:

    • Whacko says:


      there was nothing wrong with that story.its narrow minded upstarts like you that give Sri Lankan Muslim society, and even Islam, a bad name. there was nothing in that story that warranted a Fatwa like reaction, and i dont think the ‘JU’ will disagree.

      What was so blasphemous about that story? to me it was simply a portrayal of the situation of a child thrust into the way of an islamic life amidst some family confusion. We were all kids once. and kids usually behave that way at least at some points of their lives at mosques. ask anybody you know who goes to congregational prayers.

      As for the whole aspect of ‘looking like a muslim’, i’d agree that there is nothing specific a muslim would look like but we are talking about the sentiments of a seven year old, and if you were ever seven, you may remember the crazy notions that once crossed your mind too. thanks.

      • Rehani says:

        @ Whacks,

        Unlike St.fallen who suffers a memory loss, Google never forgets. Just see cached archives of COMMENTS by St.fallen. I have the screen shots of his original comments, but shall not post them. Its downright ugly. He was hell bent claiming it was REAL. Funny he now claims its a fictional post.

        As for the post, Yes its very subjective depending on how you look at it. Sadly not everyone looks at it the same way. Its not to say Fallen should appeal to everyone’s odd tastes everytime. Certainly not, Its just that when there is opposition one should back off and keep it low profile so it won’t turn ugly. Fallen had many opportunities to do that and he would do if he was smart. Just back off, delete.Chapter closed. Instead fallen chose to defend himself. Thats fine too. Obviously you are convinced about your own writting. So yes, you can defend and its perfectly fine. But fallen said nasty things like “Fuck the JU, If your Allah was true then let him make my post dissapear, Who said I’m Muslim? I’m not and I’m just narrating my own experience etc.. ” Gross, nasty and downright ugly. Just Google and see the cached comment archives. Any Muslim would feel offended by those silly comments that he now claims fictional.

        Its easy to say “Fuck Off Moron”, but patience and diplomacy would dictate you handled it carefully given the nature of your post and given that somebody had signalled a protest. We finally had to contact his father. This was done having failed to make sense to this teen wonder. Another option was an organized abuse report to WordPress, that is get some people in the network to report abuse.. There fallen is gone. His blog buried by wordpress for violation of terms of service. These things are easily done. However, we wanted his blog alive but only the post taken down. What the hell, end of the day its a good blog and we certainly wouldn’t want it deleted. Therefore we approached his Dad and finally sanity prevailed.

        As for a seven year and his sensational so-called fictional stories and childhood memories, dude I hardly remember anything i did when i was 10 let alone 7. Serious Man ! But may be fallen was an exceptional kid with a twisted memory that’s 12 hours real and 12 hours fictional day after day. Wow..

        As much as you find it NOT Offensive, I find it offensive. That’s individual choice and better left that way. Fallen did send me some EMO e-mails last night and all i have to say is, get over. Be a Man… Just blog. You wrote it. You had the nerve to write it, you had the audacity to defend it to boot until your Dad’s intervention, so now don’t pretend to be an Emo kid. Sorry you are not fooling anyone except your own self. And with this post you sink deeper and deeper. Simply Uncalled for.

        If fallen was smart he would keep it low profile and everyone would forget soon enough. Some won’t even know this happened. But fallen is creating an unnecessary scene fully knowing not everyone thinks like him.

        As for me, I did it with a group of friends some of whom are still hiding behind. My blog was put forward coz its anyway a controversial one. I could withstand the negative publicity. Maximum that can happen is calling me NB or even some blog post thrashing NB. poor guy. Plus deletion from Kottu. That’s all. Ignorance i tell you has no limits on Kottu. It was a calculated choice to put mine forward and i certainly can withstand the negative publicity or even some good publicity. Thats fine by us. Hope that’s clear. I said a group, that means more than one individual. Inother words more than one individual has found the blog post offensive. Do a round on Kottu and you know the Muslims deliberately not commenting on fallen’s post. I shall not go into detail though.

        All said, I am not sorry this happened. Fallen Thambi deserved it 100% if not 1000%. Its a lesson for all of us, you me and fallen and everyone who may read this. I used to write about religion myself, called Buddhism a fake religion etc if you recall. Finally a buddhist lady sent me e-mails asking me to delete the posts and I did that. I sensed trouble. I never told anyone. I just deleted it and kept silent. No one would know i had even deleted it. Fallen could have done the same. I don’t blame him either. His age is such. Not trying to defend myself, but just stating facts and plain truth. Yes truth hurts. Vot too doo no?

        Anyway Fallen, I think you should first of all stop sending me your ENO mails. I am not impressed. I don’t like immature. Like I said, just be a man. Get up, Blog. If i may use Fallen’s language, just screw it. Do it.

        Just get back fallen. All the best to you. Promise we won’t trouble you as long as you don’t offend others. Anyway just keep blogging. Frankly I want you to. Upto you anyway

    • Whacko says:

      well u mentioned several times yourself that the post itself was subjective, making the rest of all your actions nothing more than a spiteful personal vendetta. quite shameful.

      • Rehani says:

        @ Whacks,

        Perhaps comprehension is a challange to you. Read my comments. Its plain english. No need Oxford dictionary. Don’t twist. Just read. Hopefully i have made my point clear though i have no cure for lack of comprehension.

    • chanux says:

      Oh rehanibras, (well that sounds somewhat… ok never mind)

      So you you are the one who who made fallen really fallen haha.

      Commentless blog, posts that increase heat, some comment fire to drag some more clicks and finally google ads (didn’t goog cancel it yet?) nice recipe to earn some cash selling a religion.

      Kudos mister_lame_who_used_a_girls_image_to_hide_behind.

    • Whacko says:

      yes i actually did read ur comments and your post. and found nothing that criticised the short story itself. unless u count your very eloquent ‘i read this and went WTF’ which plainly does not tell anyone else what you thought was so offensive about it. your comment above indicates that you only had a problem with a comment fallen made which he tells me you have falsified in the same. unfortunately you have not made any ‘point’ clear and your stupid arguments are plain for anyone to see.

      • Rehani says:

        @ Whacks,

        OKay..here’s what i meant.

        1-Post – When i say a “blog post”, i mean the post itself, comment by readers, author’s reply, back links, date, time, cats , dogs and every shit linked to it. Inother words A Post taken in its totality than individual paragrpahs or words. You take it in CONTEXT.

        2-What gives you the impression I’m OK with the post (according to you is the article only)? I never felt comfortable with any of the things said in it though I must agree Saint Memory Loss Fallen does maintain a nice, well written well articulated blog considering his age. All credit goes to him for his work. Not disputing that fact. We were only irritated by his rather offensive post, asked him to back off, when he refused informed his parents.

        3-How did we know him? Well, Saint Fallen and Imaad Majeed are used interchangeably on Internet. Imaad himself has done it. He never was anonymous. A Google search would reveal many things about this Teen Wonder from his ability to Sing, write to his ability to get drunk. Just Google and see. Once we knew his Surname we then searched the Facebook, located his profile, conatcted some of his Muslim friends listed on his profile. More importantly we contacted friends listed with same surname “Majeed” assuming they could very well be his relatives. We were right. Our approach paid off. One of them directed us to his father who was also on Facebook but not listed on Imaad’s profile at the time. Its how we arrived at his father, then we contacted him through that. Rest is history.

        4- Continuing from point three, its clear that Imaad aka Fallen made atleast a certain group of people who would want to inform his parents. Reason being, we never wanted an ugly scene. We felt it appropriate we informed the parents in order they would consider a suitable course of action. Thank God his father being a considerate father, sanity finally prevailed. As far as we are concerned its done and over. Best left that way. More you dig, uglier it becomes. After all Imaad can’t deny his own comments (unless ofcourse he was sleepy or drunk when he wrote them). As a gesture of Goodwill we had even deleted our post on him considering his age, his retraction etc.. We never even posted his sick comments though we have screen shots of his original comments before they were deleted. I would suggest you do a Google cached search. They are still on the web for all to see. Muslims can decide if that’s OK or not. Yes, there can also be diverse opinions. Like i’ve earlier said everyone has a different take on it. Best thing is not to prove oneself right or wrong, rather delete, keep it low profile and live in peace. Ego fights don’t help in real life.

        5- It is fair to say mine has always been a controversial blog on Kottu. My initial posts lead people to think I was Dinidu De Alwis simply because I had written many things he would write. Many commented “Hi Dinidu, so this is your new blog huh?” , then i supported Lasantha that lead certain others brand me Chitrangi. This too was false. I was not Chitrangi either. Then i wrote things that lead many to assume i was Nibras Bawa aka NB. This too is incorrect. A few have even accused me saying I was Indi himself. God knows why. Funny as it may, i have repeatedly said I’m none of those people i’m associated with. Yes its a lot of fun too coz others get blamed when i write. A majority of them are somehow convinced i’m NB. Some even claim Bailaman and NB are the same people. Inother words, rehani maintains bailaman blog too. Silly, but this is how people write about me. Read around. It came to a point where i had to delete some of my own posts and close my comment box. I’ve been through the same due to my own controversial writing. Well, i like the attention i receive when i’m linked to NB and Bailaman and others. Common sense (if prevailed) would dictate I am Rehani Carimjee who many on Kottu have met, dined and partied with. That too is clearly written. Read around. Yes you can call me names you like. After all human creativity has no limits. But I am simply not bothered. None of those who claim many identities have never met any of these people. Atleast i know no one who has accused me has ever met me. My conscience is clear.

        6- Why I wrote point 5? It is just to emphasize on the fact that Controversy is a way of life on Kottu. identity crisis, anonymous bloggers, controversial posts, venom, accusations, back biting, slanderous blogs, anti government NGO sponsored blogs, you name it.. Its all there. I’ve always said Kottu is a minefield of sorts where one had to watch his back. Fallen took risks that no 18 year old would take. Scrutinize his blog. Read from the begining. You would agree fallen for a long time has been asking for trouble in one way or the other. Even on this post he admits his earlier blog had to be deleted. meaning, this is not the first time for him either. meaning, he should have acted smart based on his past experience atleast.

        I don’t wish to proceed further. Think anything you want. That’s your right to your own conclusions that i respect. This is what i am. This is what we wanted, delete the post but continue blogging. That has always been our stance. Fallen memory loss, please do come back. Don’t hide under a pseudonym, your writing can not be hidden for a longer time. People would always know. Just continue blogging here. Avoid controversy when you sense trouble. Remember no one ever won a war. Good luck to you. Here i end hoping for fallen’s next post.

    • Whacko says:

      Miss. Careemji

      it’s good that you do not wish to proceed further because you still have not answered my core question. What was wrong with the blog post? i am not talking of your definition of ‘post’ I am talking of the short story. Since you can’t seem to come up with a solid explanation other than ‘I didn’t feel comfortable with it’ one can only assume that you are simply full of empty air. I personally don’t care who you are or how you found out about Imaad or how you went around the mulberry bush with his toothbrush. Smoke and mirror arguments are hard to maintain. And when you run out of steam your only option is to ‘refuse to proceed further’. People only tolerate your nonsense because that’s all it is. It’s nonsense. As in it makes no sense.

      • ‘Tis all very interestin…
        Finally we are left with,

        St. Fallen – Will miss u mate, have been readin ur shit for a while & appreciated it

        Rehani or whateva – Farewell to u too, since u sed u would stop bloggin if St. Fallen does too.. I know many peeps will be happy ur blog is over tho

        Jaya weva

  10. oh..well. hope you start blogging anonymously at least…keep the spirit going…cheers bro best of luck..

    Lets meet up for a smoke up sometime soon…:D

  11. Cadence says:

    Dont delete. change ur URL. seriously.

  12. The Unsilent says:

    Oh Delilah please dont leave..
    Oh Delilah please dont delete….

  13. MiddleChild says:

    i don’t get it. ok i haven’t been around much lately but for what it’s worth, Fallen, u r a good blogger, a good writer. I would want to read what you write. so stay.

  14. Mon says:

    It is my first time here and i have recntly left my wordpress blog. My blog ran for almost for years.

  15. Mon says:

    i meean for four years.

  16. RD says:

    Best of luck St Fallen, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog, I also know how you feel!

  17. MiddleChild says:

    i read it. it’s beautiful. i don’t see why u need to have taken it down kiddo. all the best. and lotsa hugs.

  18. Black Rose says:

    Fallen One, you’re staying noh?

  19. Delilah says:

    if i could sing, i would. and ask you not to leave. but i cant and also i believe you have better reasons to leave. if thats the right thing to do for all people concerned then i respect your decision. but echoing everyone else, do keep writing. perhaps you could set up a password protected one that can be viewed only via invites. good luck 🙂

  20. frizchriz says:


  21. Tee says:

    When you think you’re screwed, Remember we’re all in a big, wet ball floating in the dark 🙂

  22. Dee says:

    Aio what the hell is happening?! Stay man… its enough that we conform to the whims of others.. don’t let you free sprit be caged by minions of our culture! RANT! Have an impersonal blogs for ‘controversial’ thoughts or whatever.

  23. lady divine says:

    you dont really have to close it. But if you feel you must, then there’s nothing we can do.
    Take care and never stop writing..:)

  24. I personally believe you should not give in to the sort of dirty tricks played by slime buckets like Rehani / NB / Chillie chocolate / many other crazy voices in his head!

    This is exactly what he/she/it hopes to do with any blog that’s perceived as getting more attention than his/hers/its…

    Keep your blog up and use it to give her/him/it the proverbial finger.

  25. Oh get over it you emo bunch of pussies.

    Fallen. i got your message. Drop us an email.

  26. Come on St. Fallen! I love the song. Muchly so. But now you’re making want to cry. 😦

  27. Sabby says:

    Deleting a blog is a sin.
    Don’t go. Hiatus might be needed but don’t go =)

  28. Sach says:

    Dude, really, WTF?
    How many people leave in the last few months eh?
    Come on you’re not anonymous anymore anyhow. Btw, that’s teh first time I wrote a sentense that has three consecutive words that starts with ‘any’.
    OK seriously, you don’t have to go.
    I dont think Ive commented here much, but I have been reading trust me.

  29. Hi you write well so I do hope we will see you again soon. All the very best and thank you for the entertainment. You take care.

  30. Sorry got url wrong on earlier comment.

    You write well.

    Thank you for entertaining all of us.

    I hope you will re-launch a new blog soon.

    When you can write as well as you can, floating another blog is easy as 1 2 3…

    Please do it soon.

    All the very best to you.

  31. Yo Mama says:



  32. Yo Mama says:

    Heres a summarised list of what I would pay to see happen to Rehani

    1) tied down to a chair, then nailed into place with 14 inch air plane grade steel bolts.

    2) bled of 2 pints of blood, only to have the blood used as an enema fluid on Rehani’s force-gaped anus

    3) made to swallow the excrement of 20 pigs, then forced to eat bacon (ya, it tastes so good muslim whore)

    4) made to see that religion need not be a constraint, but a supplement to life, then beaten with a branding iron

    5) Made to sleep on a bed of razors, then raped by a sex starved orangutan

    6) made to piss into a bucket, which will be used as enema fluid

    7) made to take part in a rendition of “2 girls one cup” minus the other girl.

    8) large glass container shoved up anus, only to have it shatter inside the confines of the rectum.

    9)fucked with a knife, hard

    10) nipples tied to a car battery, then shocked periodically over the course of the batteries capacity to hold charge

  33. nefarious says:

    NOT AGAIN? what’s up with you imooboo? there has to be another way out of this?
    But i guess its your choice after all.
    take care kiddo

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