I feel… very much alone.
Yeah, I say that a lot, it’s amazing “alone” wasn’t on my tweetcloud. Sigh… I don’t know why I feel this way. For the past few months I’ve not felt depressed at all, everything’s gone alright, nothing’s gotten me down for more than a day, but now… I don’t know what it is, maybe everything’s just catching up to me.
I always get along with people easily. I make new friends and instantly get attached to them if I like em, it just clicks. But when they leave, when they disappear, it’s like a black hole forms inside of me, consuming everything. Why do I crave to be attached to someone or something? I don’t like it when people get attached to me, in fact sometimes I hate it. But when I feel like I can’t live without someone, I like it, I enjoy it, and I don’t know why.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying… just blabbering… it’s late and I’m hungry. I can’t go downstairs to get food ’cause it’s locked, so I’ll just have to wait till I feel sleepy. I hope I don’t turn into an insomniac again. I hope…
I’ve been hoping a lot lately. I usually hate using that word, but these days it seems to come naturally. I wonder why. I wonder…
I haven’t wondered about things for a while. I used to spend hours just wondering, wandering in thought, daydreaming, just imagining how things could be. I haven’t done that in a long time. Why? Why…
Why do I even bother sharing this stuff here? Why do I even bother reaching out to anonymous bloggers (even those I’ve met) who have no reason to care about me let alone offer help? Yet some do, and I usually blow them off by saying something blunt. But I don’t regret it, because none of them have ever helped, and most lose interest after a while anyway. Meh…
I’m glad I kept the blog, at least I can vent out now.