…has been my savior for a while now, since the age of fourteen, to be more precise.

I was rather depressed back then, those were my emo days, coincidentally the same time I started writing lyrics and eventually poetry. It was around the same time that something happened in my life that changed me, something that reoccured enough to keep me down. So I’d light a cigarette and smoke till I couldn’t think anymore. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but I find that when I smoke I don’t think much, my mind becomes blank, the slate is wiped clean. And so I smoked, and smoked, and smoked.

I didn’t stop until some time this year, when a random stranger convinced me to quit smoking, it was the sincerity in his words that got me. Why would someone who barely knows me, has nothing to do with me, want me to quit? But he convinced me, and so for 2 months I stayed off of cigarettes. The first three weeks were hell, particularly the third. I would start shivering when I got the urge, and try to sleep it off. My aunt pointed out to me that I curled up into the fetal position when I did this, apparently that meant something. After about 2 and a half months I couldn’t be bothered anymore. I didn’t feel the urge at all, but I felt like it wasn’t such a bad thing so I started again.

Nowadays I just smoke maybe 2 to 3 cigs a day, which actually isn’t too bad at all, considering the 5 to 8 I’d have before. But I’ve had a really bad cough since Thursday, and I think the cigs have a lot to do with it. So I’m going to ween off of them for a while, maybe even stop smoking entirely for a month or two. I’m not quitting, though, I don’t think I ever will. Because this my drug is my saviour.

"used and empty"
18 Responses to “Nicotine”
  1. Sach says:

    I so know what you mean dude. It’s fucken hell sometimes, isn’t it, having to go through the day without one? Specially when you just quit.

    I too started when I was around 15, and smoked for thirteen or so years. I’ve lost the count of times I’ve quit smoking only to restart. Longest I stayed smoke-free was for three months, but after that it got really worse and did more than 10 a day. Sometimes a whole pack.

    However, at last I found my reason to quit, and quit I did. Just like that. And I don’t think I will ever smoke one again. I think you just need to find a good reason to quit – there is nothing like it’s impossible to quit smoking. Perhaps you might want to try quitting bro, I don’t know.

    Actually I was thinking of a post on smoking, but now that you did, I might not. Or I’ll wait a bit more.

  2. black says:

    i like it… there’s an odd sense of familiarity in the words… We all need an escape route sometimes.

  3. lady divine says:

    sounds very familiar….

    get your cough checked out pls..

    Take care..

  4. I second what LD said. Please do it.

  5. Dee says:

    agree with LD and GG.
    maybe u need different savior.


  6. PseudoRandom says:

    I’d say it’s only a ‘saviour’ if it’s doing more long-term psychological good than physical harm…and I seriously doubt that. It could be a cough now, bad nails and teeth soon, and stomach ulcers, heart disease and cancer later…but you already knew that.

    Get the cough checked out. As Sach said, you’ll find your reason to quit soon enough. And for your sake I hope you find a saviour that can actually save you…’cos the cigs sure as hell can’t.

  7. sach says:

    “those were my emo days”…so what is it these days? 😛 (i’m still getting that CD no?)

  8. sach says:

    Deal! Stoner’s honour 😉

  9. lg77 says:


    Never been addicted.

    But I can always do with two or three when going out..after few drinks 😛

    Don’t u think shisha is a little better solution for nicotine need?

  10. realskullzero says:

    shit yeah u had that post saying that you would quit rite?? anyways quite true what you say…a smoke is sometimes the only escape…anyways this mite help ya 😛

    …while i grab a smoke…

  11. Cadence says:

    Get the cough checked out.

  12. Saliya says:

    It is not the nicotine that one misses it is the soothing motion of the hand to mouth movement.
    Quitters often put on weight, if they are not careful. Nicotine hits can be had with the patches and gum both of which have helped lots of people. Most addicts and people who find it tough to quit has had issues rooted in their childhood. F*************k end of geezer talk.

    When I decided to quit it was more for political reasons and to be accepted to the “straight edge” clan. I guess both had something to do with anti-establishment attitude and the need to show my by then absent maternal figure that I am unique 🙂 It worked so that was the good thing.

    oh, hell. Not every cough is associated with smoking , some are just stress related. Anxiety , stress and lack of sleep can cause a nagging cough.

    Emo days don’t go away by the way , one learns to control them better and to handle them and to schedule them better. There is an emo in every avatar and human no matter how one best dresses it up.

    There is no painting without the pain. John Lithgow, 3rd Rock from the Sun.

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