The Man That Bounced

Once in a land far far away on the moon there was a man that bounced.

He was alone, so he would keep bouncing trying to escape the moons atmosphere, but he couldn’t. So he bounced and he bounced and he bounced, till one day an alien spacecraft abducted him. They asked him about his planet, they thought he was from the moon. He kept telling them he was a human from Earth, but they didn’t believe him because he bounced.

They ran tests on him, shoving probes up his ass and all kinds of things. They asked him to take them to where the rest of his people were, he told them they were on Earth but the aliens didn’t believe him. They searched the moon far and wide for the other moonpeople. When they found none they started drilling into the moon. Soon they were at the center of the moon, and there they found it…

What did they find?

The fabled cheese mine of the moon, it was filled with cheese and no mice. The man that bounced ate and ate and ate. There was Swiss cheese, Cheddar cheese, Parmesan, and even blue cheese. All the cheeses you could ever need.The aliens watched as the crazy man ate the cheese, they didn’t understand because the aliens only ate their poop.

They  soon gave up on the moonpeople and left the man to his cheese, and from then onwards the moon always looked different from the earth. There was a giant hole in the middle. Then people of the earth started sending people to mine the cheese from the moon, and they found the bouncing man. He was so huge now he couldn’t bounce anymore.

They brought him back to Earth and put him in a giant hamster wheel, and made him run until he lost weight. They kept a piece of cheese in front of the wheel to motivate him. Meanwhile the Earth now had a lifetime supply of cheese. But they didn’t know that mooncheese had special powers.

By night it turned men into mice. So every night all the humans became mice and humped each other, sometimes even normal mice. And when the normal mice ate the cheese they became humans, but they didn’t speak any language known to man, they spoke like mice.

The humans realized what was happening and wanted to put an end to it. So they decided to lock away the mooncheese and scientists were appointed to work on finding an antidote. But they never found it. They tried and they tried to no avail. By then the bouncing man had become thin again, and they realized he never turned into a mouse.

They studied him carefully but could never figure out what it was that made him immune. They even tried using his DNA to create a cure but failed. They tried cloning him but all the clones were born as retarded shrimp babies, who were then killed and eaten. Ahem.

And so they decided to send him back to the moon with all the mooncheese where he lived happily ever after, and bounced and bounced and bounced.

The End

Epilogue:
The people of the earth eventually discovered the cure. When human-mice and mice-human mated they created human-human’s and mice-mice. They were always born as twins, though not identical. And so they humped each other so that their children would be cured, and the world was full of mice and humans, who lived in peace and harmony, looking at the deformed moon that reminded them that if it’s not from your planet, you probably shouldn’t eat it.

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Comments
8 Responses to “The Man That Bounced”
  1. Ranz says:

    all of us are one giant experiment.

  2. chathuraw says:

    I’m guessing you were stoned when you wrote this 😛

  3. Me-shak says:

    Brilliant man. I got blasted from my mom for laughing loud while I was reading it. They were born a shrimp babies. Super stuff!

    Cheers!

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