They say 1/3 of your life is spent asleep, while 1/3 is spent working, and 1/6 is spent waiting, and the rest of it? I’d say spent alone, in my case at least. How do I find it so easy to find myself alone, even if I’m in a crowd, it doesn’t take long for me to somehow find myself removed. I can safely say I spend 10 hours alone every day I’m at home, is that healthy? I don’t know, but then what’s going to change that.
I’m not a social butterfly, never have been, never will. I’m never going to be the one to schedule meetups and constantly be out and about hanging with friends. I usually never leave the house unless there’s actually something to be done, or if I can’t do the same thing from home. So far I haven’t seen anything wrong with that, but when I think about the fact that a huge portion of my life is (probably) being wasted, it kind of sucks.
But what do I know, maybe this is just how I function. Maybe spending too much time with people would only lead to me wasting time, maybe. I don’t know. Even my sleep pattern is fucked up, I sleep at 12 and wake up at 4, and then nod off again at 6. These moments are when I feel the most alone, but it’s a feeling I’ve learnt to deal with and make the best of. But somehow I can’t do that so much anymore, perhaps because I find myself in need now.
Sometimes all it takes to make a day worthwhile is to hear someone say something, to connect with someone, or just to share something. Sometimes all it takes is a voice, sometimes even breathing, just to know someone’s there. Is it technology that makes us so starved for communication, or does it simply feed our hunger? I think it works both ways, though I suppose it’s arguable. Blah, what am I rambling about anyway.
I’m a loner. Boo fucking hoo.