How To Evade A Bus Ticket
Kids, let me share a valuable bit of wisdom that will help you save those precious coins you hold so dear, you cheap bastards. Just kidding. But really, how does one avoid paying for a bus ticket? By stealthily evading the conductor whenever he comes close, perhaps. You know, when the bus stops and the conductor is heading towards the front where you are, you get off the bus, run to the back, and get in again. And you keep doing this until you actually have to get off.
That wasn’t a serious suggestion. But seriously, how does one do this?
Maybe if you pretended as if you didn’t exist, and believed in it to the point where you actually became invisible to the rest of the world. No, I don’t know how you’d undo that, and no, it won’t work, dumbass. A week ago I had a strange experience of being let to ride for free for absolutely no reason whatsoever, at least I wasn’t aware of it. Was it because I was wearing a sarong? Maybe, but then the next bus I took cost me a ticket anyway. Yeah, these are the things I think about.
But on to the point of the post, and yes, there is one, the simplest way to evade a bus ticket is by falling asleep. Seriously. It works every time! And you don’t have to actually fall asleep, just pretend, they buy it. For some reason known only to bus conductors, they will never wake you up if you’re asleep unless the bus has reached the depot. Never. Perhaps on a long distance bus to Galle or something, but otherwise it never happens. I find that quite strange. Is there a bus conductor code that states “Thou shalt not awaken he who is asleep”?
So pretend you’re asleep and when you hear the “ticket ganna” fading towards the back of the bus, quickly open your eyes and check which halt you’re at so you know when you have to get down. Also, it’s best if you locate yourself at the front or back of the bus so that you can quickly get off before the conductor realizes you haven’t bought your ticket and chases you along the pavement and beats you with a fist-full of coins and a ticketprintingthingamajig screaming “TICKET GANNA, HUTTHO!”